Fat Kids Are Beefed Up

Denver Post South Suburban Edition 8/5/10

Fat Kids Are Beefed Up


Whoa nelly are the Fat Kids ready roll! After finishing the regular season with the best record in team history the tubby tumbleweeds are set to roll through the post season. The bats were still sizzling and the defense was stout once again for the Kids as they move to 8-1 on the season with a 14-4 triumph over the Coyotes.

The Fat Kids were once again without the Canadian and Calm Kyle and Glass Jaw. The Canadian must be doing well peddling his free health care selling copies of Emily Post’s Guide to Etiquette, as only Canadians can do. Calm Kyle was rumored to have been seeking enlightenment from the Dali Lama himself in San Francisco. Glass Jaw took 2nd place in a pizza eating contest displaying that his rehab stint in Great Bend Kansas went well. Without the usual “gentlemen” in the lineup we once again welcomed Jason “The Silent Assisin” back into the dugout. Why “Silent Assassin” you ask, “because no one has really heard him talk he just kinda giggles and then goes out and smacks a base hit.” The Assassin will be joining the team come fall with Frankie “UGA” Newman stepping down. It was rumored that he would pull a reverse Michael Jordan and try his hand at basketball but quickly came to terms with the fact that he’s not good at basketball. “Heck I’m only mediocre at softball, what makes you think I can ball with the big boys in a D-Rec basketball league” We would question the mediocre part about softball after witnessing a great catch on a line drive. I didn’t hear the music but the ice cream truck must have been circling cause he snow coned it!

The defense stood up to the minimal challenge the Coyotes provided with Pete the Pitcher going a record 8 complete games. “My arm is a little sore, just hope it holds out for my volleyball league come fall” Pete answered.

The offense took off from the get go with a 3 run homer over the left field fence from The Swinging Siv. “I swung the bat, the ball left the yard. What else do you want to know?” A man of few words. More solid offense where singles were the soup de jour was provided by the Hippie, Super Freas, and the Silent Assassin. The base paths were still smoldering after the bottom of the 5th inning with the Fat Kids up 8 runs and Hippie laced a line drive into left field. Hollywood Bristow stepped to the plate, with his intimidating presence at all of 5 foot 6 inch frame, and roped a hit to the wall in right center fence. What a way to end it on a walk off in the park home run. When asked how he felt about the games ending Hollywood was difficult to understand obviously either excited or over caffeinated. “oh man, I hit the ball and then I run and I hit the bases, and I run real real fast and I touch home and go Yeah!” Seriously, no more sugar for this kid.

The Fat Kids enter the playoffs in the number 2 seed. Game time is set for 8pm at the cornerstone fields on August 11th.
Thank you to everyone who voted in my poll on the Platte River Fat Kids blog. If Kris “the Chode” Cannode should strike out next game before anyone else strikes out he will be ICED before every game until someone else strikes out.