Fat Kids Can’t Keep Head Above Water

Those lovable Fatties jumped out to a fast start but were only able to tread water long enough to slowly slip beneath the surface in the later innings. Team Saunders stuck around long enough to hand the Fat kids their first loss of the season losing 9-12. On another rain soaked night the offense sputtered and the defense could never quite get their feet.


The bottom of the first was the most offense the Kiddos would display. A 3 run home run from Calm Kyle put the Fatties in the only lead they would have all night. Hippie struck out and is now proudly wearing the Pink Helmet. Bring good beer next week and not that boulder hippie junk. The Fat Kids had an honorary member join the team last night as Team Super Freas had his older brother Big Freezer roam the outfield grass with him. Big Freezer came up big with 3 hits of his own. Those 3 hits were 3 more than The Chode Cannode contributed. Heck the girl on the other team had more hits than Cannode, so did Glass Jaw who had a couple of singles using his wife’s high school bat. That’s right, Glass Jaw is swinging with a chicks bat. El Sukador took advantage of wearing the Pink Helmet for last week’s strikeout and slapped a single to left field. After Hippie struck out and El Sukador had to give up the Pink Helmet he was heard mumbling to himself “I’m gonna strikeout on purpose, the only way I can get a hit is with that magical helmet”. Despite the fast start from the offense things fizzled after the 3rd inning. The last ditch effort was the in the park homer from Team Super Freas to bring the score close at 9-10. But that was all the closer they would get.

There were moments of great defense, just not at our field last night. El Sukador tried to slide tackle a ball hit to center field. Team Super Freas almost took one off the face. Big Freezer was clearly afraid of a ball that went skipping past him only to quote Goose from Top Gun “Where’d Who Go?” The Chode Cannode went diving for a ball down the right field line only to have it slip by him and roll to the outfield wall. He did make a great pirouette turn and gun a ball into home only to have it then thrown around the infield like hot potato. The whole infield was scared of the only girl on the field and basically ran away from any ground ball hit to them by her. Pete the pitcher gave up 6 home runs but only one of them counted. One was a foul ball, and the rest were counted as outs. “I finally stopped trying to get guys out pitching and started to serve up the meatballs for them to hit out of the yard. That’s a better defense then I saw all night” said our fearless pitcher. The lone bright spots on defense came from Pete the pitcher who once again is fielding his position like a panther. Cookie brought the leather out last night and knocked down most of what was hit his way. On a rather miraculous catch from Team Super Freas in left field to save what would have been at least a double. He was seen swerving to his left and then back to his right only to hopelessly throw his glove about his head and the ball found the webbing. El Sukador commented on the catch with “did you see him move his hips? He is making salsa dancers jealous”. After a late night the Fatties could not muster enough firepower to overcome their mistakes and will limp into the bye week with a record of 3-1

Other notes: Canada’s intentional strikeout will not earn the pink helmet. Hollywood Bristow did not show up and rumored to have been going the reverse Michael Jordan and taking his talents to the hardwood. That has failure written all over it, do you realize how short that kid is?

No Game next week. Next game is May 4th which is the day before Cinco De Mayo which means Moustaches will make their return!!! You facially follicle challenged individuals have 2 whole weeks to bring you’re A game.

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