Denver Post South Suburban Edition
10/28/10
Fat Kids Get Tricked
You must be from Colorado when you plan your Halloween costume around warm clothes or in Coach Jim Jim’s case Under Armor. Your beloved Fat Kids were dressed in their costumes last night with the hopes of advancing to the 2nd round of the playoffs. They should have dressed for success instead of a bunch of clowns. “Keith Stone was solid behind the plate but that crazy looking hunter and silly Pirate in the outfield didn’t know what they were doing” said Pete the Pitcher. Everywhere you looked a bad throw, dropped fly ball, or a missed grounder. The hitting resembled something out of the Michael Jackson “Thriller”, bunch of zombies. Overall it looked as though the Fatties ran out of gas.
Calm Kyle was dressed as Keith Stone, always smooth with his mullet and trucker hat. Southpaw Cookie was Kenny Powers from the HBO show “Southbound and Down” with his flowing locks protruding from under his ball cap. Hippie was a redneck, showing off his sweet thighs and flowing mullet. El Sukador was an “Unsuccessful Hunter” with his blaze orange hat and hunting socks. I think fantasy land is more a reality for El Sukador, just kidding Suk. Coach Jim Jim arrived in his 1980’s conversion van with the windows blacked out and his Chester molester moustache powerfully standing on his upper lip. And there was a random Pirate roaming in left field.
The lone bright spots in the field were el Sukador catching 3 or 4 fly balls to end the route of the first inning. Hippie catching a runner rounding 2nd base too far and threw behind him to get him tagged out. The Pirate caught a fly ball in the top of the 4th and let out a resounding “Yarrrghhh” to everyone’s delight. On the next play he managed to drop a line drive, the other team responded with a "Yarrgghhh" of their own. He responded by throwing out a runner at home. Ever been thrown out by a pirate, its kinda embarrassing.
As far as hitting goes The Swinging Siv was dressed as a B-52 bomber, wait that wasn’t a costume??, anyway he dropped a 2 run shot over the left field wall. Keith Stone also hit one out, with a mullet wig, also embarrassing.
The good news is the long season is finally over. This journalist had a great time covering all the Fat Kids’ games. There will be a spring training session sometime in March before the season starts so plan on being there. Be sure to vote on whether we should do a year end party or not. See you Fatties later.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Fat Kids Welcome Playoffs
Denver Post South Suburban Edition
10/21/10
Fat Kids Welcome Playoffs
With the end of the season with in sight the Fat Kids took the final game of the regular season over the Wahoo’s 10-7. The Fatties will enter the playoffs as the #1 seed for the first time in their history. The rest of the bracket has not been completed yet but it looks like they will either play Loud Mouth Sky ridge or the Nancies of Where’s my Pitches at? (Freegin nancies). We should find out later who we will be playing and I will let you all know. What we do know is that there will be either playoff moustaches or Halloween costumes; the most creative individuals will manage to combine the two. So lose your razors for the week and grow those dirty staches! Now on to the game high lights.
The Fat kids were without Glass Jaw, the Swing and Miss Siv, Southpaw, and of course the Canadian. Hollywood Bristow had an ace up his sleeve with his Brother from a different Mother Jared “JJ”. JJ took over third base, Hollywood went back to the outfield, Hippie manned the shortstop position Calm Kyle played first, the One Sock Wonder Coach Jim Jim played catcher, and The Chode Cannode still looked confused in the outfield. Fortunately there was enough defense in this game to keep the Fatties in the game. They held a small lead through out after the second inning. A ridiculous throw to gun down the runner from Hollywood to Calm Kyle to force a pickle play between 3rd and 2nd base. It was just like the Sandlot. “I got the ball and I threw it real hard, and then he got the ball and he threw it real hard, it was real neato” Hollywood Bristow said after the play. Pete the Pitcher stood tall on the mound once again dodging RPS (Rocket Propelled Softball’s) as they were launched right back at him. “I opted to have off season surgery where I would have my eye lids sewn open all the time cause if I happen to blink Tahlia’s not having any siblings”. Great defense up the middle from Aggie and Hippie completed the evening while they almost turning several double plays only to have the blind man call the runner safe. A deep drive late in the ball game off the bat of the Wahoo’s put a scare into everyone but the once great wheels of Super Freas tracked down the fly ball where it harmlessly fell into his glove much to the appreciation of Pete the Pitcher, you’re welcome.
There was just enough offense with Coach Jim Jim actually hitting to left field, JJ lining a couple base hits to center field and Calm Kyle getting robbed and then getting redemption. Calm Kyle mashed a ball to deep left field where the Wahoo outfielders were playing in shallow Westminster (they were playing real deep if you don’t get that joke) only to have the ball bounce off the left fielder and “not the fence” and into his glove. He got payback when he lined the ball off the fence his next at bat. “I just thought if I hit it harder he wont catch it”, brilliant thinking sir. El Sukador provided treats and laughter, we all appreciate that.
Playoffs start next week. You must either have a moustache or costume on or you have to talk to Cannode about Doilies, Kyle still hasn’t fully recovered from his chat with Cannode.
10/21/10
Fat Kids Welcome Playoffs
With the end of the season with in sight the Fat Kids took the final game of the regular season over the Wahoo’s 10-7. The Fatties will enter the playoffs as the #1 seed for the first time in their history. The rest of the bracket has not been completed yet but it looks like they will either play Loud Mouth Sky ridge or the Nancies of Where’s my Pitches at? (Freegin nancies). We should find out later who we will be playing and I will let you all know. What we do know is that there will be either playoff moustaches or Halloween costumes; the most creative individuals will manage to combine the two. So lose your razors for the week and grow those dirty staches! Now on to the game high lights.
The Fat kids were without Glass Jaw, the Swing and Miss Siv, Southpaw, and of course the Canadian. Hollywood Bristow had an ace up his sleeve with his Brother from a different Mother Jared “JJ”. JJ took over third base, Hollywood went back to the outfield, Hippie manned the shortstop position Calm Kyle played first, the One Sock Wonder Coach Jim Jim played catcher, and The Chode Cannode still looked confused in the outfield. Fortunately there was enough defense in this game to keep the Fatties in the game. They held a small lead through out after the second inning. A ridiculous throw to gun down the runner from Hollywood to Calm Kyle to force a pickle play between 3rd and 2nd base. It was just like the Sandlot. “I got the ball and I threw it real hard, and then he got the ball and he threw it real hard, it was real neato” Hollywood Bristow said after the play. Pete the Pitcher stood tall on the mound once again dodging RPS (Rocket Propelled Softball’s) as they were launched right back at him. “I opted to have off season surgery where I would have my eye lids sewn open all the time cause if I happen to blink Tahlia’s not having any siblings”. Great defense up the middle from Aggie and Hippie completed the evening while they almost turning several double plays only to have the blind man call the runner safe. A deep drive late in the ball game off the bat of the Wahoo’s put a scare into everyone but the once great wheels of Super Freas tracked down the fly ball where it harmlessly fell into his glove much to the appreciation of Pete the Pitcher, you’re welcome.
There was just enough offense with Coach Jim Jim actually hitting to left field, JJ lining a couple base hits to center field and Calm Kyle getting robbed and then getting redemption. Calm Kyle mashed a ball to deep left field where the Wahoo outfielders were playing in shallow Westminster (they were playing real deep if you don’t get that joke) only to have the ball bounce off the left fielder and “not the fence” and into his glove. He got payback when he lined the ball off the fence his next at bat. “I just thought if I hit it harder he wont catch it”, brilliant thinking sir. El Sukador provided treats and laughter, we all appreciate that.
Playoffs start next week. You must either have a moustache or costume on or you have to talk to Cannode about Doilies, Kyle still hasn’t fully recovered from his chat with Cannode.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Knights of the Fat Table Successful in Battle
Denver Post South Suburban Edition
10-14-10
Knights of the Fat Table Successful in Battle
Gather around and I will tell you a tale about a team of Fat Kiddos and their epic battle against Team Socko. This has been a long standing fight with the competition known as Socko. If you remember in the spring each team traded wins with Socko with Socko coming out on top and taking the trophy. Many more battles were had throughout the summer on the fields at Cornerstone. Again on this night the Fat Kids were victorious winning in the end after a seesaw battle 21-16. King Pete stood tall on his trusty steed of a pitchers mound, Aggie the Silent was steadfast in his defense of the 2nd baseland, and Hollywood the Twitcher provided the inspiration for the Fat Kids to reign triumphant in glorious battle of beer league softball.
The defense was magnificent from King Pete as he not only confounded the Sockos on a variety of knuckleballs, change ups, and sinkers. He also fielded his postion with the execution of a knight battling a fire breathing dragon, deftly moving side to side to snare the heat seeking softball only to throw the hapless runner out at first. King Pete was not the only fleet of foot athlete on the field this evening as Aggie the Silent made a great play to squelch the advancing enemy and halt their onslot of offense. Hollywood the Twitcher and Sir Chode Cannode also made great defensive plays to put down any advance from the evil Socko Empire.
The offensive attack from the Fat Kids was too much as they defended their keep. Base hits provided the consistent attack the Fat knights needed along with several deep drives delivering the fatal blow. Sir Chode Cannode had a couple of solid hits through the left flank, with Sir Southpaw Cookie and Glass Jaw the Brave attacking the right side. A barrage of offensive strikes were also landed with an in the park homerun from Hollywood the Twitcher and triples from King Pete and Sivahop the Quick, even though Sivahop the Quick was called out by the blind man at third. Kyle the Calm provided the needed deception to throw the enemy off his trail when he fouled off a long what would have been homerun only to keenly place a swinging bunt mere feet in front of home plate as he scampered safely to first. Additional firepower was provided by The Hippie from the North and Tribal Leader Suk Suk who was also successful in his quest to field a fly ball in the vast expanse of the outfield.
The Knights of the Fat Table play their final battle of the regular season next week at 6:15 and then enter the Tower of Doom of the playoffs.
10-14-10
Knights of the Fat Table Successful in Battle
Gather around and I will tell you a tale about a team of Fat Kiddos and their epic battle against Team Socko. This has been a long standing fight with the competition known as Socko. If you remember in the spring each team traded wins with Socko with Socko coming out on top and taking the trophy. Many more battles were had throughout the summer on the fields at Cornerstone. Again on this night the Fat Kids were victorious winning in the end after a seesaw battle 21-16. King Pete stood tall on his trusty steed of a pitchers mound, Aggie the Silent was steadfast in his defense of the 2nd baseland, and Hollywood the Twitcher provided the inspiration for the Fat Kids to reign triumphant in glorious battle of beer league softball.
The defense was magnificent from King Pete as he not only confounded the Sockos on a variety of knuckleballs, change ups, and sinkers. He also fielded his postion with the execution of a knight battling a fire breathing dragon, deftly moving side to side to snare the heat seeking softball only to throw the hapless runner out at first. King Pete was not the only fleet of foot athlete on the field this evening as Aggie the Silent made a great play to squelch the advancing enemy and halt their onslot of offense. Hollywood the Twitcher and Sir Chode Cannode also made great defensive plays to put down any advance from the evil Socko Empire.
The offensive attack from the Fat Kids was too much as they defended their keep. Base hits provided the consistent attack the Fat knights needed along with several deep drives delivering the fatal blow. Sir Chode Cannode had a couple of solid hits through the left flank, with Sir Southpaw Cookie and Glass Jaw the Brave attacking the right side. A barrage of offensive strikes were also landed with an in the park homerun from Hollywood the Twitcher and triples from King Pete and Sivahop the Quick, even though Sivahop the Quick was called out by the blind man at third. Kyle the Calm provided the needed deception to throw the enemy off his trail when he fouled off a long what would have been homerun only to keenly place a swinging bunt mere feet in front of home plate as he scampered safely to first. Additional firepower was provided by The Hippie from the North and Tribal Leader Suk Suk who was also successful in his quest to field a fly ball in the vast expanse of the outfield.
The Knights of the Fat Table play their final battle of the regular season next week at 6:15 and then enter the Tower of Doom of the playoffs.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Late Night Buffet Feeds Fat Kids
Denver Post South Suburban Edition
10/7/10
Late Night Buffet Feeds Fat Kids
A late night game brought a few former fatties back to the field to fill in some voids. Calm Kyle sitting out while serving his suspension for illegal Ring around the Rosie participation. Pete the Pitcher was on diaper changing duty, he he I said dootie. We welcomed back Josh the Fireballer to mound in Pete’s absence and we also had Puckerup Pickford and UGA back in the lineup. The revamped lineup provided enough punch to take down the hapless Total Power Stores 20-6.
The Fat Kids jumped out to a 12-0 lead after the first inning with Caliente Carlos providing a spark in the leadoff spot and El Sukador moving into the 3rd spot. Sharp line drives from El Sukador and Coach Jimbo, who actually hit it up the middle instead of a flair to right field, along with an infield base hit from Glass Jaw. A rare sighting never before seen was Hollywood Bristow stopped at first after a line drive…there was wide speculation that he had been cutoff from the candy at the snack counter at work. The best news of last nights game came when the newly renamed Swing and Miss Siv struck out as well as Southpaw Cookie battling a bad case of the whiffs. That’s 2 cases of tasty delicious strikeout beverages for next week.
The defensive effort was just enough to halt a big inning. UGA had a great stop at short to pick up a short hop and flip it over to Aggie for the force out. Puckerup Pickford had a sliding catch in right center and both Hollywood Bristow and Super Freas had failing diving efforts on fly balls to the outfield. Not to be outdone EL Sukador caught the last play of the game off a fly ball caught by Super Freas and relayed through the air to a diving El Sukador.
Post game treats were once again provided by the El Sukador, tastiness as usual. Thanks for bringing them every week, regardless of how we play we all know there are tasty treats warming up on the engine block of Suks truck.
Please be in attendance next week as Calm Kyle gracefully accepts his team initiated punishment of an hour long conversation about Doilies with the Chode Cannode, this could get interesting.
10/7/10
Late Night Buffet Feeds Fat Kids
A late night game brought a few former fatties back to the field to fill in some voids. Calm Kyle sitting out while serving his suspension for illegal Ring around the Rosie participation. Pete the Pitcher was on diaper changing duty, he he I said dootie. We welcomed back Josh the Fireballer to mound in Pete’s absence and we also had Puckerup Pickford and UGA back in the lineup. The revamped lineup provided enough punch to take down the hapless Total Power Stores 20-6.
The Fat Kids jumped out to a 12-0 lead after the first inning with Caliente Carlos providing a spark in the leadoff spot and El Sukador moving into the 3rd spot. Sharp line drives from El Sukador and Coach Jimbo, who actually hit it up the middle instead of a flair to right field, along with an infield base hit from Glass Jaw. A rare sighting never before seen was Hollywood Bristow stopped at first after a line drive…there was wide speculation that he had been cutoff from the candy at the snack counter at work. The best news of last nights game came when the newly renamed Swing and Miss Siv struck out as well as Southpaw Cookie battling a bad case of the whiffs. That’s 2 cases of tasty delicious strikeout beverages for next week.
The defensive effort was just enough to halt a big inning. UGA had a great stop at short to pick up a short hop and flip it over to Aggie for the force out. Puckerup Pickford had a sliding catch in right center and both Hollywood Bristow and Super Freas had failing diving efforts on fly balls to the outfield. Not to be outdone EL Sukador caught the last play of the game off a fly ball caught by Super Freas and relayed through the air to a diving El Sukador.
Post game treats were once again provided by the El Sukador, tastiness as usual. Thanks for bringing them every week, regardless of how we play we all know there are tasty treats warming up on the engine block of Suks truck.
Please be in attendance next week as Calm Kyle gracefully accepts his team initiated punishment of an hour long conversation about Doilies with the Chode Cannode, this could get interesting.
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